so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
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