day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
