there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
