i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
