One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
