i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
