my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
