He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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