I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
porn star boner night. come get it.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
