How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
