Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
