I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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