I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
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