did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Randomize
