What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
