I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
