Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
