the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
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