"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
