All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
