I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
