I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
