Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
