..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
