i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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