She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
