so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I am midnight drunk by noon
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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