Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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