Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
