I'm lost and stupid without you.
Soap is not a condiment
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
