she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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