Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Fuck appropriateness.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I'm getting married
To pizza
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
