There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
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