i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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