Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
