so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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