but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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