Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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