take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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