meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
