You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
