Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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