The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
