Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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