my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
