He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
