It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
