just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
