I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
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