Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
