508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
She announced her abortion via fbk
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
